Greta’s Gaza Cruise 2.0: The Sequel Nobody Asked For

It’s official — Greta Thunberg is swapping “How dare you!” for “Anchors aweigh!” yet again, as she embarks on another epic Mediterranean flotilla adventure to Gaza. Yes, folks, the selfie yacht saga continues — think “Pirates of the Caribbean,” but with more hashtags, less Johnny Depp, and a much smaller chance of actually getting anywhere.

The 22-year-old climate warrior-turned-Middle-East-commentator announced on Instagram that her new mission, the “Global Sumud Flotilla” (Sumud being Arabic for steadfastness or, in this case, trying the same thing twice and expecting a different result), will set sail from Spain on August 31. A few days later, they’ll meet “dozens” more boats from Tunisia and other ports — because if at first you don’t succeed, just add more yachts.

Greta’s Insta post didn’t say if the fleet will be equipped with essentials like solar panels, vegan snacks, and the perfect lighting for sunset protest selfies, but given her previous voyage, we can assume the boat will be about 80% activists, 15% hummus, and 5% actual aid.

The Sequel Cast: The Original Selfie Squadron + Cameos

Joining Greta will be an eclectic crew, including:

• Rima Hassan, an MEP from France.
• Omar Faiad, an Al Jazeera employee.
• Thiago Avila, the Brazilian activist who recently attended the funeral of Hezbollah leader Hasan Nasrallah and called him a “martyred saint.” (Spoiler alert: this is not going to help win over the Israeli port authorities.

Yes, dear reader, if activism were an Olympic sport, this would be the synchronized eye-roll category.

The Last Voyage Recap

For those who missed Episode 1: In June, Greta’s first Gaza mission, The Madleen, was intercepted by Israel. The Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs gently suggested that there were “ways to deliver aid to Gaza that do not involve Instagram selfies” — which is diplomat-speak for “Stop making us part of your TikTok content.”

When shown footage of Hamas’s October 7 attacks, Greta and her shipmates reportedly declined to watch, proving that selective vision is indeed a thing. The aid that wasn’t eaten on the boat was sent to Gaza via real humanitarian channels. Greta, meanwhile, was sent home with a free deportation stamp in her passport.

This Time Will Be Different! (Probably Not, but You can still get ready Greta Fun - Unisex Soft style T-Shirt – Oy Vey)

According to Greta, more than 44 countries will be staging simultaneous demonstrations. That’s a lot of placards, a lot of hashtags, and probably not a lot of meaningful change. But hey — Instagram engagement, am I right?

Suggested New Names for the Mission

• SS Hashtag Resistance
• The Love Boat, but for Clout
• Yachts for Thoughts
• Ship Happens: Gaza Edition

Look, I’m all for helping people in need. But if you really want to send aid to Gaza, maybe… use the actual existing humanitarian aid routes. Because, let’s be honest — if Greta’s flotilla had to rely on wind power and teamwork alone, they’d still be stuck in the marina arguing over who gets the hammock.

Moral of the story: Some people sail for adventure, others for exploration — and some just to get the perfect protest selfie with a Mediterranean sunset filter.