10 classic Jewish jokes

1.
Q: Why do Jews answer a question with another question?
A: Why shouldn’t Jews answer a question with another question?

2.
Two elderly Jewish women meet in the street.
Sadie: “Oh my goodness, Becky, how are you?”
Becky: “Oy, don’t ask.”
Sadie: “Fine, so tell me anyway.”

3.
Moishe walks into a bakery and says, “How much is the challah?”
Baker: “Four dollars.”
Moishe: “Four dollars?! Across the street, it’s only two!”
Baker: “Then why don’t you buy it there?”
Moishe: “Because they’re sold out.”
Baker: “When I’m sold out, it’s also two dollars.”

4.
A Jewish mother gives her son two ties for his birthday. The next morning, he proudly wears one. She sees him and sighs, “What’s wrong with the other one?”

5.
An elderly Jewish man faints on the street. Someone runs to him shouting, “Quick! Get some water!” The man opens his eyes and whispers weakly, “Make it seltzer.”

6.
Q: What did the waiter ask the table of Jewish diners?
A: “Is anything alright?”

7.
A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandson play on the beach when suddenly a huge wave sweeps him away. She pleads to God, “Please, bring him back! I’ll do anything!” Another big wave returns her grandson, unharmed. She looks up to the heavens and says, “He had a hat!”

8.
Yankel walks into a synagogue for Yom Kippur services without a ticket. The usher asks, “Sir, where’s your ticket?”
Yankel says, “I’m not staying long, just coming to tell my brother a quick message.”
The usher replies, “All right—but don’t let me catch you praying!”

9.
Rabbi Schwartz answers the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this Rabbi Schwartz?”
“It is.”
“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”
Rabbi Schwartz smiles and replies, “I’ll try.”
“Do you know a Sam Cohen?”
“I do.”
“Is he a member of your congregation?”
“He is.”
“Did he donate $25,000 to your synagogue last year?”
“He will!”

10.
A Jewish man goes to his Rabbi and complains: “Rabbi, my son left home and became a Christian—what should I do?”
The Rabbi says, “Funny you should say that. My son, too, left and became a Christian. Let’s ask God what to do.”
They pray and a heavenly voice responds, “Funny you should mention it…”

Enjoy!